Birthday Feelings

Today is my birthday, and to be honest, I've never really liked my birthday. I remember being 10 years old, and crying because I didn't want to grow up. Every year I blow off my birthday like it's no big deal, but truthfully, I could spend the whole day in hiding and mourning. 

I'm almost ashamed to blog about this topic because I'm known as a positive and uplifting person. I don't want to let the team down; however, I'd like to think I'm also known for being real. And in real life, we have lots of feelings, some light and some dark. 

In general, I have a positive outlook on life. I believe and trust that the universe supports me. I believe in myself. I love hard. I think that most people are good people who want the best for this world.

I don't believe in telling myself I should be positive when I feel anything but. 

Positive thoughts when I'm feeling lousy don't work. It feels fake, invalidates my feelings, and makes me feel worse. 

Sometimes we will feel shitty. Sometimes we will have thoughts that bring us down. Sit with that. It's okay to not feel okay. Talk about it. Blog about it. Cry. Express yourself. Learn about yourself. This is how you move on, grow, and what healthy and happy people do.

Do not cover feelings up with "I should be positive." Your feelings matter. Listen to them.

Being upset doesn't mean you are not a happy and grateful person. It means you are a human being. You can be upset and still be thankful and appreciative of your life. We are complicated beings with complicated emotions and thoughts. 

So here I go, today is my birthday, and I don't like my birthday. It reminds me of how fast time is going by, and while that motivates me to live on purpose it also makes me want to sulk and cry because things are going by too damn fast. I don't want to celebrate this day. I want to survive it quietly, and maybe enjoy a piece or two of cake.

There, said it. :)

Never dismiss how you feel by simply saying you should be positive. It's the surest way to feel even worse. We don't need to put on a show for each other, myself included! We don't need to be positive every single day because that's what is socially acceptable. Negative feelings can make some people uncomfortable, but that's okay. We don't need to cheer everyone up. Instead, we can sit with them, listen, and give them a hug. 

What do you think? 

Need to express some feelings, too? Feel free to in the comments below. Im listening.