Bad Moms + Perfectionism
Last night I put Bodie to sleep, and watched Bad Moms. Finally. Have you seen it? It was definitely funny. Kathryn Hahn always makes me laugh. There's just something about her.
Anyhoo, I really enjoyed the premise of the movie... that being a mom these days is impossible. Why? Because being a mother means you are a doctor, teacher, chef, maid, chauffeur, lawyer (lol), and basically every other profession. You get the point. It's a never ending job with infinite facets and no paycheck. Imagine having to write a job description for mom life? Haha. And it's all 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, until the end.
To give you a visual, I'm actually writing this with Bodie's arms wrapped around my neck with the Cookie Monster singing about numbers. He is stretching out my shirt. I'm wearing dirty sweatpants and sipping coffee.
There's this pressure that we are supposed to do all of these roles perfectly. Perfect moms with perfect bodies, perfect wardrobes, and managing life, well, perfectly. We are not supposed to have issues with balancing life, careers, personal lives, etc. If you're married you are supposed to continue to be the perfect wife who takes care of her husband with the perfect sex life and perfect house.
The movie poked fun at this concept, and joked basically about how we are all bad moms essentially. None of us know what the hell we are doing as we navigate mom life. Behind the curtain, we are all just doing the best we can while trying to survive and raise good people. As we go about our roles we all have guilt that we should be doing a better job. Mom guilt is very real and very strong.
We are the perfect parents until we actually become parents.
Listen, I haven't cooked a dinner in a week. Maybe longer. We ate hot dogs at 11pm the other day. I have Sesame Street on right now because it's the only way I can maybe get some things done. The kitchen sink is full of dishes. There are piles of clothes in the bedroom. I have laundry sitting in the washing machine since last night, wet by the way. My husband is extremely low key and "gets it", but I know he feels invisible at times. I just have nothing more to give most days. Bodie is a sweet little man, but we have meltdowns. Of course we do becaue he is almost two and it would be weird if we didn't. As much as I try for schedules they always seem to go to shit. Bodie sometimes throws his trucks at me. I battle with him over eating (he hates eating). He sometimes slaps me for no apparent reason. Sometimes I lose my cool. We still cosleep. My husband doesn't even bother trying to sleep in the bed with us because then he gets no sleep, too. One of us should at least sleep. We are far from perfect, despite the photos that we share with our friends and family on Facebook.
But despite all of this, we are ridiculously happy. And I'll tell you why. Because we don't give a shit about any of the things I just told you about.
Sometimes I think about the pressures that society puts on us to be a certain way, but I call bullshit on that blame game. Appearing to have it all figured out and together is equally something that we put on ourselves.
(Side note: I actually just had to say "Bodie, please stop hitting the wall with your toys. 3x. Now he is whining and mad at me.)
I used to blame society all the time for my issues. I've stopped because that got me nowhere. I choose to take personal responsibility for my actions, behaviors, and the thoughts I believe. I choose the lifestyle I live and the standards I hold myself to. I choose to subscribe to beliefs that support my best life. By living this way openly, I hope it gives other moms and women permission to do the same.
Commit to taking the pressure off yourself, whether you are a mom or not. Allow yourself to be a human. Do not hold yourself to impossible standards. Prioritize what matters. Laundry and a messy kitchens don't matter most days. Looking perfect will only take alway from the precious time that you could be putting towards living.
Make a commitment to work on this for you! It will benefit you and your children, ultimately. Do you want them to be obsessed with appearing perfect? Of course not. Set the example. Show them what matters. Your actions are much more influential than what you say.
We only have a certain number of days on this planet. Every moment that passes is gone forever, and brings us closer to the end of our journey. Let's put our energy into living a good life. Being with our loved ones rather than appearing to be the perfect family. Raising good people. No guilt when we fuck up, because we will. All the time. Daily probably.
Do you feel pressured to be the perfect mom? And if you're not a mom, the perfect person? What are your thoughts and how do you manage it so you don't make yourself crazy?
Have a great week! See you back here soon!
P.S. and now for some baby photo spam because I love this little guy more than life itself...