I have been totally swamped in motherhood over the past 10 days. Bodie, who is not an easy toddler in general, got a cold early last week, that turned into a secondary infection last weekend. He ended up on antibiotics. My husband and I got the same bug, and went on antibiotics as well. It's the first time I've had to take them in years!
Being sick, and being a mom quite frankly sucks.
Being sick, and being a mom to a sick kid sucks even more.
Being sick, being a mom to a sick kid, and a wife to a sick husband is the worst!
My son is extremely sensitive. I haven't really discussed it here because I feel like his personal challenges don't need to be broadcasted to the world (unless he chooses to share when he is older), but he struggles significantly with sleep and eating. He is very sensitive to sounds, and craves lots of movement and deep pressure (like needing big hugs and sleeping with a pillow over him. We are still figuring the little guy out... But when Bodie is sick, it is just absolutely awful. He will completely refuse to eat anything, and getting medicine into him... well, I would rather give medicine to an angry raccoon. There are lots of tears, and it's traumatic for me! All of his sensitivities are multiplied by 10.
But we have turned the corner. Today is the first day that we all woke up feeling significantly improved. Bodie woke up HAPPY, and wanting to cuddle. He wanted to play with his toys, and he asked for rice cakes! It's a huge deal, and I feel like we are going to be back to our "routine" here shortly.
Insert huge sigh of relief, and happy tears, too. Not lying. I'm choked up writing this.
When you run your own business there is no such thing as a sick day. When I used to work in a school system, I had no idea how amazing it was that I could call in sick and then sleep all day to get well. It's the same thing as I had no idea how amazing it was to take a shower undisturbed... funny the things you take for granted before having children!
My business has been on the back burner for 10 days because my family is always my priority, and I had to take care of them first. I have done the bare minimum to get by...
And as much as I know that was the right choice, I do feel tremendous stress from it all. I am so behind. And from sitting around for days inside with no yoga practice (and eating cookies because they were there and easy), I have been spending way too much time burrowed in my own thoughts.
I see where I want to be business wise, and feel so far from it. It gives me anxiety, and it makes me feel like I'm not good enough or not doing enough. I am currently maybe doing half of the things I want to be doing. Half!
I realize that all of those thoughts are deeply harmful, ineffective, and self-sabotaging. It's my inner mean girl coming out.
Perhaps I should focus on the amazing job that I am actually doing. I am after all running a business that I created, and being a full-time mom at the same time. I should celebrate that, right? Not shit on myself for not doing more. I keep a little human alive each day, and I do work that fulfills my soul.
Balance is a constant dance. My balance has been tipped, and I'm readjusting and pulling it back to center. And I'm being nice to myself because I am human and can't do it all. Nor do I really want to do it all to be honest. I am allowed to have rough weeks. I am allowed to cry. I am allowed to get absolutely nothing done sometimes.
I do not have to be the perfect mom, wife, or business owner. It is okay if things take longer for me to get done as I juggle life. I will no longer compare myself to those without children. I think that is the big one for me. And Instagram makes it really easy to compare myself to those photographers and bloggers who are doing all the things I wish I could be doing right now.
Comparison is what humans do best, isn't it? But the more we compare, the more we suffer.
I know that things will work out better for me because they took time. If I had it my way, I'd be rushing and forcing all of the things I want... being a mom makes me slow down which is ironically exactly what I need more of in life.
I love you guys, and I love this community. I love that I feel supported when I share my truths and struggles. Thank you for being here.
I'd love to hear if any of this resonated with you. Leave a comment below. :)